Memories
by Sandssavvy
Summary: They say your entire life passes before your life when you die, but Lancelot seems to only remember one thing. slash


**Title**: Memories

**Fandom**: King Arthur

**Author**: DeppDRACOmaniac AKA sandssavvy

**Pairing**: Arthur/Lancelot, Arthur/Guinevere, Lancelot/Other, slight Lancelot/Guinevere

**Rating**: PG-13

**Warnings**: angst, character death

**Summary**: They say your entire life passes before your life when you die, but Lancelot seems to only remember one thing.

Lancelot had been young, too young to understand what love was when he first met Arthur, yet he was drawn to the other man. Arthur was brave, self-sacrificing, and compassionate. He could still remember the way the older man had attempted to protect him while he was being trained.

Such kindness can only go so far, though, and soon enough Lancelot was thrown into battle with the rest of them. He had taken to fighting well. He sometimes thought Arthur seemed worried by how quickly Lancelot had become numb to killing.

He would never understand that Lancelot hadn't been a child long before the Romans came for him.

There were so many images of Arthur drifting through his memories. Memories of Arthur fighting, praying, laughing, but what stood out the most were the moments when they were alone together.

Then came the memories that hurt the most.

There had been a battle one day that started like many others. The woads had attacked them inside of a forest and one of the knights had already fallen. Lancelot had cut the throat of one of the blue-painted attackers when he heard his leader yell out. Arthur had been stabbed while fighting two men.

It was as though time stopped as Arthur fell. Lancelot ran towards him and killed the last of Arthur's attackers. The other man had lost a lot of blood, and for one heart-wrenching moment he believed Arthur was dead. Relief came in the form of Arthur's shallow breaths.

However, the danger was not over for Arthur. Lancelot had spent the night after the battle watching over their leader as fever lay siege on his body. The eerie silence in the room allowed him too much time to think.

It was then that he had discovered that he loved Arthur. It took the same amount of time for his heart to break. Arthur's religion, which the other man was so devoted to, scorned and persecuted men that loved other men. What would he think of Lancelot if he knew the other man's feelings?

So Lancelot decided to keep his silence. He would rather remain Arthur's friend than be hated by him.

One day Lancelot was drinking with the other knights when noticed the tavern wench's eyes lingering on him. Soon they were in one of the rooms together. She had been young, beautiful, and more than willing, but still Lancelot wished for more. He wanted his lover to have larger hands, darker hair and eyes, and harder body. He wanted Arthur.

Then _she_ came into their lives. Not only was she beautiful, she was also a fighter. It wasn't long before Arthur fell in love with her.

Every look between them was like a dagger into Lancelot's heart. He had known Arthur most of his life, and he had saved the other man, yet in a matter of days he had fallen in love with Guinevere.

The worst part was that he couldn't hate her. There was something about her that made him care for her as well. He couldn't call it love. It wasn't as strong as what he felt for Arthur, but he was attracted to her, and she was too like himself in personality for him to hate her. Maybe it was her similarities to him that drew Arthur to her. Lancelot wished it was so.

He had always known that he would return to the battle. He couldn't let Arthur face the Saxons alone.

What he hadn't known was that he would die this way, saving the woman that Arthur loved. After all, she could do more for him than Lancelot ever could. Her love would be requited, Arthur would never return Lancelot's.

The pain was becoming unbearable. He could see Guinevere running to his side, but he could only think of one thing.

"Arthur," he tried to say, but all that came out of his mouth was air. He tried to call Arthur's name again to no avail. After one last try he gave up.

Then while the pain lessened he smiled as he realized it was all going to end. He was going to be truly free of Rome… and of Arthur.

Lancelot never knew that when Arthur found him, his heart was broken as much as Lancelot's own.

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FIN


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